No, Tigers Fans Still Aren't "Spoiled"

     It's that time of the year again, where the Tigers' writers start telling us how to be better fans.

     I haven't written about the Tigers here since the trade deadline, mostly because apart from the abrupt firing of Dave Dombrowski last month, there's been very little of importance to cover. The team has been in complete free fall since the All-Star break, though they weren't exactly setting the world on fire before then. By the time you read this, it's likely that Detroit will be three games away from playoff consideration entirely. And while Justin Verlander has come back and shown why he was once regarded as the best pitcher in the game, and Drew VerHagen and Alex Wilson have been among the few bright spots in what has been an atrocious bullpen, there just isn't much worth covering this season, other than the impending firing of Brad Ausmus.

     And in this town, it seems that once there's nothing left to root for apart from a change in management, talk always starts to turn to who's a "real fan," and how fans are supposed to think and feel about their team.

     Back in the day, these types of articles were left to the Jerry Greens and Chris McCoskys of the world, the ink-stained wretches who would savagely rip the blogosphere a new one for simply existing, in part because the blogs were breaking more stories than the beat writers, and even more so anyone who would dare to boo a sub-par performance from their team. And we dismissed them as the out-of-touch relics we are, and went on with our day. That was the way it was, and it worked! (Now git off my lawn!)

     Unfortunately, now the Detroit sports blogosphere itself has picked up the torch of policing the fanbase, and they've stooped to the same level as their print brethren.

     It started last year, after Joe Nathan flipped off booing fans following a game at Comerica Park, prompting Kurt Mensching over at  fan site Bless You Boys to post this about how spoiled a fan base that hasn't seen a World Series in 30 years is, for which he was soundly ripped, and rightfully so. And that was the last we heard of that for a while.

     Until last week, when Victor Martinez decided to remind everybody that he still holds a grudge against Tigers fans for booing last October, which was promptly followed up by Justin Verlander chiming in on the boos raining down on Brad Ausmus when he went out to pull Verlander from Friday night's game with two outs in the 9th, only to have Alex Wilson give up the game-tying run and send them to extra innings. Of course, the booing that night was followed up by a standing ovation for their ace on his walk back to the dugout, so clearly the message was lost on nobody, even Verlander himself.

     Of course, none of this stopped a couple of the more prominent Detroit fan sites in town from wagging their fingers at the fans in the stands. Fansided's Tigers site Motor City Bengals posted this, which seems to posit that the reason the Tigers got swept in the playoffs last season is... the fans weren't cheering loud enough. Even though V-Mart has apparently been holding it over our heads ever since, I still find it somewhat difficult to believe that guys who make millions of dollars to play this game decided they were going to go out and suck at their jobs because they weren't getting enough praise from their fans.

     That was then followed by a post over at Detroit Sports Nation, which clearly had about as much time and thought put into it as a typical Brad Ausmus decision. That post begins by criticizing the beat writers for not being supportive enough, using a fairly innocuous tweet by Oakland Press writer Matthew Mowery, the guy who's criticized the Tigers less than possibly anybody else covering them.

     Our writer then asks this: "Can't we just enjoy the good parts of the team?" 

     At this point, I'm not convinced this isn't V-Mart himself, trolling us all.

     Which good parts, exactly? The part where we're the second-worst team in the American League? The part where Ausmus completely gave up on the team until it was too late to save his job? The part where this team is already eliminated from contention of any sort two weeks before the season is over, and was done for all intents and purposes before the All-Star break?

     For your convenience, the dumbest Tigers-related question asked by anyone this year is immediately followed by a link to retweet the article you're currently in the middle of reading, and a pre-written comment so you don't have to go to the trouble of having an opinion of your own on it. How considerate of you, DSN. The writer goes on to list three individual accomplishments, which amount to Ian Kinsler getting some milestone counting stat, Miguel Cabrera doing Miguel Cabrera things, and Verlander no longer being awful like he was earlier this year. Good for them, but none of it means a damn thing if they can't make the playoffs, which wasn't going to happen this year at any rate.

     Anybody with a brain could have seen the Tigers set themselves up for trouble in the last offseason. Relief pitching wasn't addressed at all, unless you count signing Tom Gorzelanny, claiming washed-up Neftali Feliz off waivers, and really, really hoping Bruce Rondon (who has instead already been sent home for the year) would finally put it together as addressing the bullpen. And there's no way anybody can possibly argue that replacing Max Scherzer and Rick Porcello with Shane Greene and Alfredo Simon was an upgrade, or even a lateral move. This team needed to upgrade in a few areas to make it further than a first-round sweep this year, and instead managed to get worse at them.

     And yet, faced with all of this, the Tigers still tried to sell us on this being the year, up until the day of the trade deadline, and now their apologists are going to turn on us and lecture us for having high expectations? What kind of logic is this?

     But apparently we need to lower our expectations, because "It's a team with a rich history, exciting present and compelling future," and it's high time we recognize that. (It should be noted that the 'exciting present' linked to an article from April that proved to be hilariously wrong about this team's playoff prospects.) Try telling Lions fans that they should stop tearing their team a new one because of their 'rich history' and see where that gets you.

     Sorry to break it to the Kool-Aid drinkers out there, but sustained success breeds higher expectations. Especially when the team in question also has a championship drought stretching over 30 years. And truthfully, a lot of the fans' frustration would be somewhat placated were it not for that. Case in point: the Red Wings haven't missed the playoffs since I've been alive, and have already won four Stanley Cups in my lifetime, and even though the most recent was seven years ago, damn near every Wings fan out there has watched their team raise the Cup in their lifetime, in relatively recent history to boot. They don't owe anybody a damned thing. Meanwhile, the Tigers have lost two World Series in the last 10 years, and all the Central Division titles in the world can't make up for the fact that they haven't been able to get it done when it really mattered.

     Would anybody like to tell Mike Illitch how much his team has spoiled him? I doubt he'd agree with that assessment by a long shot.

     You know what else breeds high expectations? Outspending your division competition by $50 million every year, and possessing the talent that the Tigers have. They have possibly the best pure hitter of our generation, and a guy who was among the best pitchers in the league for a long stretch of time, and haven't been able to win a title with them. The fans don't have the right to be upset with that?

     Anybody who came up as a Tigers fan in the 90's and early 00's remembers just how miserable it was to be a fan then. Randy Smith was unquestionably the most hated executive in Detroit sports until Matt Millen came along and set a standard for incompetence that hopefully will never be seen in this town again. I sat through countless games in that beyond-abysmal 2003 season, for reasons I still don't understand. Clearly nobody wishes to go through that ever again. And obviously things have changed for the better within the last 10 years, but it's not unreasonable to expect them to contend for a title, which they've yet to win in all of this. And the fact that any Tigers fan is going to tell the rest of us that having any sort of expectation of their team makes them less of a fan is downright insulting.

     Plain and simple, fans can't be 'spoiled' by a team that hasn't won a title in over 30 years.

     And just because some Tigers fans are willing to settle for mediocrity, doesn't mean the rest of us should.

Toddwatch: The Circus Continues

     It can't ever be that damn easy, can it?

     Just when you almost had the thought that this saga might finally be over, everybody's favorite disgrace to Lapeer County shows up at the courthouse late Friday afternoon to announce that, for reasons only known to him, he's running again, a week after stepping down from office. And his partner in crime announced earlier in the week that she would be running again as well.

     Far be it from either of them to let this go with any shred of dignity.

     Unfortunately, I can't sum up my thoughts quite as succinctly as they did in Cindy Gamrat's district, though I agree with the sentiment completely, but if you were looking for that, you probably wouldn't be here.

     Todd Courser joins an already-crowded field, with 11 Republicans and 3 Democrats vying for the position he resigned only a week prior, and could still be expelled from if he were to somehow be re-elected. Why, exactly, would he subject us all to another six months of this sideshow? Because, according to the man himself, his wife said "yes run!" Personally, I tend to think he might have misinterpreted that particular remark.

     And just in case you think he might have been humbled in the slightest by the proceedings of that last two months... well, there's no way you could think that, considering he's running again for an office he just resigned from last week. But more to the point, his Facebook postings of late prove beyond a doubt that he's learned nothing from all this. Despite having testified under oath that the House Business Office's accusations of misusing taxpayer funds were true, he went on social media today to assert that he essentially lied under oath and that "there was no misuse of taxpayer funds to cover up anything," and "there was no joint office," despite the fact that sharing his entire staff with Gamrat is the exact thing that constitutes a joint office. And apparently, what Todd did is completely acceptable because an employee of the House Business Office had recipes up on their computer.

     Have any of you made any sense of this yet? Because I sure haven't.

     From there, he sought to remind us of his voting record, and gave us a list of 35 accomplishments of his during his time in office, most of which barely count as accomplishments. Several of these go along with the ridiculous Tea Party assertion that the government doesn't need tax money to fund things the people want done; others towards his bizarre notion that forcing church involvement in marriage while still requiring government approval is somehow taking government involvement out of marriage; his absurd idea that there should be absolutely no restrictions on anybody having a gun at any time, or any sort of record of who owns said guns, because there's no way that could possibly end badly; and his belief that the 97% of services that Planned Parenthood provides so that women won't have to resort to abortion are null and void because they provide abortions at all, because clearly every single embryo ever created is already a living, breathing, human being.

     Then there's the actual "orphan bills" he proposed, which include a gas tax increase (not unreasonable, but didn't you just lecture us about how you fought an increase in the gas tax?), the aforementioned marriage bills, more bills to put more guns in the hands of anyone who wants one, and bills to ban Obamacare and eliminate the Michigan Economic Development Corporation, the favorite targets of state Republicans. And in the only time I will ever defend anything he's done, he also proposed to let brewers self-distribute and eliminate straight-ticket voting, a bill which, ironically, likely would have spelled doom for him had it been in place before the last election. Gamrat's were much the same, save for a few extra bills to guilt, force, and cajole women out of abortions.

     The worst part of all of this? They stand a fairly decent chance of finding themselves right back in the offices they just vacated. With 10 other Republicans running, the vote might once again split enough for the lunatic fringe to carry Todd to the general election, where the Democratic front-runner lost to him in 2014, in a fairly conservative county, because only in Lapeer could a complete sociopath run for office and win because nobody looked any further than the 'R' next to his name. The candidates from both sides have been invited to a Lapeer County Tea Party-hosted debate this Friday, and I'll be reporting on that shortly thereafter and breaking down all the candidates here.

     One can only hope the voters do their homework this time.

     Because if he makes it back into office, we'll only have ourselves to blame.

The (Hopeful) Last Of The Toddwatch Fallout

     I really hoped I was done with this.

     You, no doubt, really hoped I was done with this too.

     But sadly, it's never that damned easy.

     I've expended more time, energy and vocabulary in covering the various misdeeds of now ex-State Representative Todd Courser over the last year than any sane person should when they aren't drawing a paycheck to do so. I've been banned twice from his public Facebook page in the midst of trying to get answers out of him for his actions, because who needs to listen to their constituents anyway? I've taken part in protests, talked to every media outlet that would have me, and found time to play on a protest song and record the occasional dumb comedy bit.  So when he finally resigned in the middle of the night on Friday, it seemed that Toddwatch 2015 had finally come to an end and I could go back to just hating Detroit sports like I normally do.

     But then this happened. Stephen Young, chairman of the Allegan County Tea Party, took to his group's Facebook page and posted a rant about the whole situation, and it's more unhinged than you could possibly imagine.

     "On 9/11 2015, the terrorist network in Lansing Michigan (sometimes called the Republican Party leadership) has taken down the Twin Towers. It took more than a few box cutters to destroy the foundation, but included well placed explosives in a true conspiracy to cover the truth. Justice has not been served in this matter, but destroyed."

     You read that right. He just compared the expulsion of two self-righteous hypocrites who horribly abused their positions of public trust, to the worst terrorist attack ever committed on American soil.

     I think I just died a little inside. Courser and Gamrat are "Twin Towers?" Of what; corruption, deception, and hypocrisy? Has the Allegan County Tea Party no decency? No shame? No sense of basic human respect? These people didn't "stand against the terror of the Republican Party"; they were the biggest example of it! They didn't stand for anything other than screwing each other, and occasionally taking rights from gays if they had any time left over. And to compare them to the men and women who died on 9/11 is beyond sickening.

     It only gets worse in the comments section: "Only a few thousand died on 9/11/01. In comparison, the Republican leadership in this state is far worse than a few radical religionists from the Middle East."

     "Only a few thousand died." But let's continue to harp on Benghazi. Makes sense. I'm sorry, but to compare the men and women who perished that day, not to mention the firefighters and rescue workers who risked their lives to save them, to scum of the earth like Todd Courser and Cindy Gamrat, dishonors them in a way I never thought an American capable of doing. Young goes on to explain himself with some tortured logic about Republicans paying for "killing children," despite the fact that Planned Parenthood receives no government funding for abortion, and no "children" have been killed; those aborted fetuses aren't living human beings. But none of it has a damn thing to do with Courser and Gamrat, other than their desire to force women to carry every embryo to term regardless of the woman's well being, evidently. And none of it deserves the comparison to lives lost at the hands of terrorists.

     As you might imagine, Young has caught more than a little flack for his comments; of the 220 on that original post, all but one were in opposition to his screed. And his response? A post bragging about how many people saw his post, of course! Because if you're going to be a terrible human being, why not double down on it? Only somebody as deranged as this man would go on Facebook and brag about how many people think he's absolutely reprehensible. Even Courser's most vocal defenders have gone all but silent in Lapeer, but in Allegan County, they've just gotten louder and crazier. If ever one needed proof that these people simply do not care about human life once it exits the womb, look no further than Stephen Young's horrific and bizarre rant. One would hope this would make voters think twice before electing another tea-party approved candidate.

     On a semi-related note, I have a bone to pick with the local Democratic party. As of today, we have four Republicans running for Courser's vacant seat, five once Jan Peabody finally announces her candidacy, and a socially liberal centrist independent, but not a single Democrat has announced a run. And I've been piled on by the party folks around here for calling them out on this. The deadline is in three days, and... crickets.  This party seems to want to shoot themselves in the foot whenever possible; the state rep's seat is as winnable as it has ever been for them, yet they had nearly zero street presence at Lapeer Days this year, haven't had a single candidate get out in public and go on the attack, and basically sat on their hands while several Republicans threw their hats into the ring and got a head start on them. But I've been told by people involved with the Lapeer Democrats that I'm "out of line" for pointing this out, and that this is my fault because I'm not out there campaigning for... nobody. Of course, these are the same people who got pissed that somebody dared challenge their hand-picked candidate in the primary last year, so take that how you will.

     Unfortunately for them, there's also a large base of people in the county that are all too willing to let a certified nutjob represent them as long as he's not a Democrat. The amount of non-voters and people who just skipped over that section of the ballot is living proof of that. Good luck getting a win as a liberal when you have so many voters that will be damned if they ever vote for somebody who won't promise to never raise their taxes, much less someone who tells them that taxes aren't high enough, as Margaret DeLuca told the County Press last year in regards to roads and the gas tax. But in Lapeer, it's an uphill battle trying to get people to understand that while what we're sending in taxes to Lansing could be spent a lot more efficiently than it is, money isn't going to fall from the sky to cover the rest. And winning over hearts and minds is all the more difficult when you're letting your opponents do all the talking and control the narrative entirely.

     Even now, it seems nobody's exactly learned anything from this. The consensus around here seems to be, "we need to find a more moderate Republican to run so this doesn't happen again!" But you've got five candidates running so far, meaning you might have a situation once again where the vote is split enough to let another fringe guy like Courser take the nomination. What then? Do you let this happen again rather than even consider a Democrat or, god forbid, an independent?

     For too many, the answer to that appears to be a resounding "yes."

     And that puts us right back where we started.

Answering Todd Courser's Latest Survey...

     For the first time possibly since he's been elected, Todd Courser is soliciting actual feedback from those of us in the 82nd District.

     Yet somehow, the man who was elected to represent us, still thinks he and he alone can dictate the terms on which he answers to his constituents.

     Tried posting anything other than absolute support on his page lately? You've already been blocked, most likely. Hell, I was blocked before he ever got elected, for questioning his shady campaign tactics during the primary, his slander of Great Lakes Education Project proponent Greg MacNeilly, and his campaign against any representative who supported adding LGBT's as a protected class to the Elliott-Larsen Civil Rights Act. And I didn't last much longer against his mistress, Cindy Gamrat, nor another backer of theirs, RNC committeeman Dave Agema. Because these people don't want to hear any opinion or argument that doesn't affirm their own. Which isn't any way for an elected official to behave.

     That brings us to the Inoculator's latest screed, in which he addresses the accusation that he silences all criticism on his page by... admitting that he silences all criticism on his page, and by blasting said critics as "just plain moronic." He follows that up by asking this:

     "So be nice when you respond: 1. voters by vote, or recall, or house by censure, or expulsion, or serve the rest out. 2. then why do you think so? 3. where are you from? If you answer all 3 and do so respectfully I'll try to keep your comment and if not don't be surprised when it gets booted."

     Because apparently, if you're going to criticize him, it has to be on his terms, or not at all.

     Well, since I can't respond on his page anymore, I suppose I'll just have to do it here. Feel free to print this out and leave it on the doorstep at his law office, or just hit his Facebook wall with it, whichever's easier.

     1.) I'll answer this point with a question: Why should you have to be forcibly removed? Why can't you step back, realize what you've done, how you've betrayed the trust of those who actually supported you, and confirmed the suspicions of the rest of us have had about you since you embarked on this boondoggle last year, and step down with some slight shred of dignity instead of having to be dragged out kicking and screaming, like the petulant child you are? You yourself have posted that "there are plenty of good reasons to resign." I have yet to find one for you not to do so. But since doing the right thing has never occurred to you at any point in your political career, I, for one, couldn't care less how you are removed from office, so long as you are.

     2.) Where do I start? From the beginning, I suppose... you managed to lose my vote (if ever you really had it) right away, by making your anti-homosexual crusade the focal point, if not the entirety, of your campaign. I'm not certain exactly why, with our roads falling to pieces and Lapeer County's economy not in the greatest shape, you instead chose to make the centerpiece of your campaign about denying rights to a group of people that haven't done a damned thing to wrong you, other than existing. There's your crusade to unseat any politician who'd support adding LGBT protection to Elliott-Larsen, and your marriage bills that you claimed had nothing to do with the Obergefell v. Hodges decision, but that you claimed you'd withdraw if that ruling were overturned, as if you really believe your constituents can't put two and two together. Your backwards views on these issues, and the emphasis you've placed on them during your time in office, are something I find to be absolutely repulsive in every sense.

     Then, there's your view on public schools; that being that you appear to be completely against them. I see why there's such a large contingent of educators of mine that have stood in vocal opposition to you; you hold that profession in contempt at best. You're the kind of guy that wails on about "liberal indoctrination" in schools, but then whines that schools need to go back to teaching the Bible. You've also stood against any attempt to have oversight on homeschooling parents, because God forbid anyone makes sure they're actually learning anything.

     And then, there's the dirty campaigning. Posting the "graphic" video of the wedding of one of your opponent's backers, and attacking his pro-education group for somehow "spreading the homosexual agenda." Posting fake notices on your opponent signs requesting they be removed or their owners will be fined. Posting fake attacks on you during the primary. Having staffers call potential voters and drop racial and gay slurs in regards to his opponent in the general election. And somehow, you got the Republican voters in this county to sign on with all this, and get you elected, despite all odds.

     Now personally, I don't care all that much about the affair, other than finding it somewhat comical that the God-appointed defender of traditional values only does so when it suits him. Other than that, who you screw is completely your business, provided it's not the taxpayers you represent. But it's the cover-up, the cover-up of the cover-up, firing your staffers when they wouldn't help you cover it up, and scrambling to throw everyone and everything under the bus when you got caught, all on our dime, and offering up every possible excuse and diversion in the world not to go. And despite all the evidence of your wrongdoing, you still refuse to let this circus end, to the point  that you're posting dumb little surveys like these asking what you should do, as long as it doesn't involve personal responsibility.

     In all of this, you claim some sort of 'divine providence' allows you to force your view of religious zealotry on the rest of us, while you post that we "should limit free speech and freedom of religion" for religions that aren't Christianity. And despite claiming how humbled you are by all that you've done... absolutely nothing has changed. You still absolutely refuse to take responsibility for your actions; in all the word salad you've spewed forth, you have yet to make a single post that doesn't somehow try and deflect blame onto somebody or something beyond your control. Enough. You did this to yourself. Not your staff, not some phantom blackmailer, not some other political consultant, not your political opponents, not the liberal media, not some preexisting heart condition. You.

     3.) Not that it matters at this point, as you publish words of praise from people who've probably never set foot here, but yes, I've been a resident of the city of Lapeer for the last 14 years. I (more-or-less) grew up here, graduated from high school here, and worked most of my adult life here, and much of that downtown, where we rarely ever saw you around unless there was a photo op to be had somewhere. And last I checked, you're supposed to represent all the people in your district, not just the few that feel their religion needs to be legislated into law. And I, for one, am sick and tired of my hometown being a punchline on the late night shows, and the national press, and pretty much everywhere at this point.

     You didn't need to take a poll to find out what the people of Lapeer County wanted. They've long since spoken.

     The question is, will you actually listen to them for a change?

When Tinfoil Hats Meet The Morning News...

     I realize that thinking before you post on the internet is something that died a long time ago, if it ever existed.

     But Internet, you've truly outdone yourselves this week.

     Now, I don't typically get into the whole gun control debate all of ever anymore, mostly because you can't even suggest the idea of stronger background checks without somebody accusing you of personally helping President Obama go door-to-door and round up everybody's guns. (And if he is, he'd better get on it; he's only got another year or so!) You almost have to be impressed with the sheer number of people the NRA has convinced to buy into that line of garbage. But at this point, it's gone far beyond that for some people.

     Case in point: the on-air murder of a television reporter and cameraman in Roanoke Virginia earlier this week. As you can imagine, that has provoked this particular debate anew, but not entirely for the reason you might think: There are actually people who believe that said shooting was a hoax, a "false flag" if you will, somehow set up by the government, as part of a pretense to curtail your Second Amendment right to own as many automatic rifles as you can get your hands on, because Barack Hussein Obama's gonna come take 'em away and suspend the Constitution! Jade Helm! Agenda 21! And if you're the kind of person that believes that the government somehow infiltrated the newsroom of a TV station , found an ex-employee with legitimate anger issues, and set up the fake murder of two people live on the morning news so they could take your guns away, then you probably need to have your guns taken away.

     Nothing about this theory makes any sense. "She didn't react and bleed when he fired the first shot!" Apparently, everyone who's ever seen an episode of "CSI" now fancies themselves a forensics expert.Well, he was also shooting with his camera in the other hand... is it possible that maybe he missed while trying to record his shot? I'm guessing most TV news personalities aren't trained marksmen. "They didn't even notice he was standing there!" Ever been on live television? Any journalist worth a damn is trained to focus only on the camera and the interview subject when doing a live remote. "Why aren't there any witnesses?" Uh... it was 6:30 in the fucking morning? And what about the police chase? The suspect was somehow paid off to shoot and kill himself? The interviewee in the hospital with bullet wounds? Hell, the hospital staff? The anchor back in the studio? I'm expected to believe that all of these people were paid off and kept quiet so Obama would have an excuse to take your guns and declare martial law? The tinfoil hat brigade is really asking me to suspend a whole lot of disbelief here, and I'm a firm believer that the most obvious explanation is usually the correct one. And the most obvious explanation here doesn't involve hundreds of people being paid off by the federal government.

     Look, I love a good conspiracy theory as much as the next guy. (Hell, I'm a Detroit sports fan; by very definition, we believe the fix is perpetually in against us by the media, referees, sports leagues, etc.) And I can understand why people are cynical and distrusting at times. But for god's sake, these are real people, with real families, that were just torn apart by some deranged wackjob with a score to settle against some former co-workers, and white people in general, evidently. And you're going to insult these people's families and argue that no, they didn't just lose a son, a daughter, a co-worker, a fiancee? Tell them that they're not expressing their grief properly because the reporter's father went on CNN and mentioned his support for gun control?

     Yes, just in case they might still have any remaining shred of faith in humanity, their co-workers and significant others have been harassed on social media by the 'truther' crowd, and those are truly the lowest kind of scum on this planet. The same people that came out of the woodwork around the time of the Sandy Hook shooting and called that a fake as well. It's almost expected anymore that after any major tragedy in this country, there'll be that contingent of Alex Jones worshipers that show up claiming how it was all just a false flag planted by the Freemasons, or Bilderbergs, or whatever-the-NWO-bogeyman-of-the-day-is. And these people have the audacity to tell the friends and family of those whose lives were taken that they are the delusional ones.

     Apparently human decency isn't that damned human anymore.

     Do you seriously need to see a dead body to believe what you saw? Hell, would that even be enough to convince you? Are you that paranoid that you can't take events like these at face value, that you insist in the face of video evidence that no, the government must have staged this?

     If so... then they've probably got the right idea not wanting people like you to have access to guns.

Tigers Position Themselves Well For 2016... And Other News.

     It was a tough decision, but the right one.

     Not an hour after I posted Wednesday's column, Dave Dombrowski admitted what many in this team's fanbase saw coming for a while: the Tigers are officially sellers at the trade deadline. And Thursday morning, the first domino fell: David Price is now a Toronto Blue Jay.

     And despite naysayers who claimed the return on a two-month rental wouldn't add up to much, what the Tigers ended up with might just make up 2/5 of their starting rotation next year. Daniel Norris is ranked by ESPN's Keith Law as the 15th best prospect in the game, though his numbers this year don't inspire much confidence; in 10 games for the Blue Jays, six as a starter, the 22-year old Norris has posted a 4.20 ERA and a 1.50 WHIP. At Triple-A Buffalo, he's fared little better, mostly due to command issues which have seen him walk four batters per nine innings. But the potential is there; he's got three plus pitches (fastball, slider, curveball), and the fourth (a changeup) has generated more swinging strikes than the other three. He can get major league hitters out, but he may have mechanical issues that need to be ironed out before he can do so regularly and efficiently. Besides, the man lives in a van (presumably down by the river) and shaves with an axe, people. This really cannot be understated.

     Then you've got 24-year old Matt Boyd, who's put together quite the season in Double-A New Hampshire, winning 6 of his 12 starts there with a 1.10 ERA and 0.77 WHIP, earning him a promotion to Buffalo, where he has continued to dominate. This is quite the leap over last year (6.96 ERA in Double-A in 2014), due in large part to a jump in velocity on his fastball (average 91-94 mph, tops out at 96), and a 6.17 strikeout-to-walk ratio this year. He's somewhat a fly-ball pitcher, but Comerica Park tends to negate the impact there. Given the numbers and command of his pitches, it wouldn't be surprising to see him starting in Detroit next season. He debuted tonight in Toledo, pitching two innings with no runs, no hits, three walks and a strikeout.

     The final piece of that deal is Jairo Lebourt, currently pitching in Single-A. He's got the velocity already at 21, but lacks command or consistency in his delivery. In other words, the kind of pitching prospect Dave Dombrowski goes crazy for. Lots of potential, but he's a few years away yet. And true to form, he walked four and struck out five in his debut for Lakeland on Friday, giving up four earned runs off seven hits.

     Later that night, the Tigers flipped Joakim Soria to the Pirates, meaning that if you thought the bullpen was brutal before... you might just wanna start tuning out after the 5th inning, though Alex Wilson did an admirable job in his first night in the role, with a 5-out save after the rest of the bullpen melted down Thursday night. In exchange, the Tigers pick up JaCoby Jones, a shortstop prospect who might not actually stick at shortstop. So far this year he's hitting .277/.336/.455. He's got a decent amount of pop in his bat and walks a bit, but strikes out even more. What's also interesting here is the potential versatility; he's a shortstop by trade, but can play any infield position and center field as well. And I don't know about anyone else, but the prospect of a Zobrist-type utility guy is a rather exciting prospect to me.

     Finally on Friday, Yoenis Cespedes was shipped off to the Mets for two pitching prospects, sadly not named Matz or Wheeler. Michael Fullmer is the top pitching prospect in that system not currently in the major leagues, and has had a breakout year after being plagued by injury in past seasons; for Double-A Birmingham this year, Fullmer has a 1.88 ERA, 1.12 WHIP, and 83 strikeouts in 86 innings. He's got two plus pitches (a fastball and slider), and a potential third (changeup), and projects as a mid-rotation guy if he can stay healthy. Luis Cessa, the other piece in the deal, looks to be a reliever with some upside. He's only been pitching for 4 years (he was originally a third baseman), and has a mid 90's fastball with a few secondary pitches (a slider and changeup) that are inconsistent at times and need to be refined, but already show flashes of brilliance.

     It's hard to argue that the Tigers aren't in a much better position for the future now than they were 48 hours ago, especially with the haul they managed to pull for three guys who will all be free agents in two months. Add to that the fact that Cespedes has indicated that he wants to re-sign here in the offseason, though he told ESPN he didn't think the Tigers should have thrown in the towel on this year, and it's not hard to see this team adding some pitching in the offseason and making a playoff run next year.

     Just try and remember that while watching (or not) the Tigers' pitching implosion for the rest of this year.

Confusion Still Reigns In The Tigers' Front Office

     Two days left until the trade deadline, and the course for the rest of the Tigers' season seems more uncertain than ever.

     To this point, Dave Dombrowski hasn't made any indication whatsoever that the Tigers might sell off anybody, and apart from a report earlier in the week from USA Today's Bob Nightengale that the team had explored the possibility of acquiring Mike Leake from the Cincinnati Reds, and a vague hinting of interest in Miami reliever Steve Cishek, there's been little activity of note regarding this team buying at the deadline.

     It almost makes you wonder if Dombrowski has even decided which way he's going.

     A report this morning from the Kansas City Star's Andy McCullough claims that the Royals inquired about Price last week, but were rebuffed by Dombrowski because he wasn't ready to deal. The Reds were, so they were instead the recipients of minor-league pitcher Cody Reed, damn-near-major-league-ready starter John Lamb, and major-league reliever-and-potential-starter Brandon Finnegan, in exchange for Johnny Cueto.

     Less than a half-season at most of Price starting against the Tigers wouldn't have been worth that?

     That same report also claims that acquiring Cole Hamels wouldn't have fit the Royals' financial model, that being long-term commitment to expensive star players, meaning Price would have likely walked after this season anyway, meaning the long-term consequences would be nil.

     And yet, here this team sits, knowing it's best shot at restocking for the future or attempting any kind of "rebuilding on-the-fly" rests on the trade value of Price and fellow free-agent-to-be Yoenis Cespedes. All indications seem to be that Price has no interest in staying around Detroit beyond this year, regardless of where he finishes this season, while Cespedes has indicated that he'd like to re-sign here in the offseason, even if he gets traded away. As such, any deal made at the deadline does little to effect the odds of bringing back either or both in the offseason, so with a team so for out of contention, clearly it would seem prudent to consider that option. And make no mistake, teams are knocking on the door for both, but Dombrowski isn't taking any visitors.

     It's been rare in Dombrowski's tenure as GM here that the Tigers have been sellers, a stark contrast to the Florida Marlins days of "win the Series, blow it all up, do it again." But that was a different team, and an owner with far less invested in his team. Mike Illitch is nothing if not the polar opposite of Jeffrey Loria. Nobody can doubt his strong emotional ties to the organization and the city they play in, and the fact that he'll shell out whatever money necessary to keep his team a contender and to win that elusive World Series ring, if he thinks he's got a fighting chance. But at this point, is it sustainable? Illitch is 86, and most of the day-to-day operation has been turned over to his son Chris, who might just be readying to sell the team in the not-too-distant future, and regardless, it's hard to see anyone else keeping up the near-$200 million payrolls of seasons past.

     Once again this Detroit team appears to be at a crossroads; cash in the big tickets and set themselves up for the future, or go all-in and make another run, future be damned.

     Is it possible to attempt both? Maybe. But there's only one man who might know the answer to that one, and he's not saying.

     If he even knows for himself.